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Tourist quest

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The Tourist quest sees you fighting the Master of Thieves for The Platinum Yendorian Express Card. For more information on the quest branch in general, see the quest article.

Home level Ankh-Morpork
Locate level The Thieves' Guild Hall
Goal level The Shades
Leader Twoflower
Guardians guides
Nemesis The Master of Thieves
Quest Artifact The Platinum Yendorian Express Card

LevelsEdit

Random monsters on this Quest are generated with the following frequencies:

  • 96/175 (55%) giant spider
  • 24/175 (14%) random s
  • 24/175 (14%) forest centaur
  • 6/175 (3%) random C
  • 1/7 (14%) normal random monster

Ankh-MorporkEdit

.......}}....---------..---                                         -----...
........}}...|.......|..|.|-----------------------------------------|...|...
.........}}..|.grave.|..|.|......|......|.............|......|......|...|...
..........}}.|.......|..|.|......+......+.............+......+..\.>.|...|...
...........}}}..........|.|......|......|.............|......|......|...|...
.............}}.........|.-----S----S----S----------S-----S---------|...|...
..............}}}.......|...............................................|...
................}}}.....----S------++--S----------S----------S-----------...
..................}}...........    ..    ...................................
......-------......}}}}........}}}}..}}}}..}}}}..}}}}.......................
......|.....|.......}}}}}}..}}}}   ..   }}}}..}}}}..}}}.....................
......|.....+...........}}}}}}........................}}}..}}}}..}}}..}}}...
......|.....|...........................................}}}}..}}}..}}}}.}}}}
......-------...............................................................
....................................................................^.......
...-------......-------..................................................... 
...|.....|......|.....|.....................................................
...|.....+......+.....|.....................................................
...|.....|......|.....|.....................................................
...-------......-------.....................................................

The two-way magic portal back to the Dungeons of Doom is at the marked point. Twoflower occupies the throne, where there is also a chest; there are eleven guides distributed among the five rooms within the town walls. Outside the gate are two watchmen; in the river are two piranhas, two krakens, and a giant eel; in addition to the usual undead in the marked graveyard, there are twelve giant spiders, eight forest centaurs, two random s and one random C on the level, and nine random traps. The entire level is no-teleport and has undiggable walls and floor.

Upper filler levelEdit

This is a cavern level, with five soldiers, a random C, and a random H; seven random objects; and four random traps.

The Thieves' Guild HallEdit

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|....|......|..........|......|......|...|....|.....|......|...............|
|....|......|.--------.|......|......|.|.|....|..}..|......|.------------..|
|grav|--+----.|......|.|-S---+-+-----|.|.S....|.....----+---.|...shop...+..|
|....|....<...|.shop.|.|...|.........|.--------..............|..........|-+|
|....+...}}...+......|.|...|.-------.|..............---+----------------|>.|
|-----........--------.-----.|.....|......------+--.|.......|...........|--|
|............................|.....|.---+-|.......|.|.......|...........|..|
|-----.....---------------...---+---.|....|.......|.------------+--------..|
|....+.....+.........S...|...........|....|--------........................|
|....|.....|barracks.|...|.----------|....|.........---------.------------.|
|....|.....|-------------|.|......|..+....|--------.|.......|.+......S.\.|.|
|....|.....+.........S...|.|......|..|....|.......|.|..zoo..|.|......|...|.|
|--------..|.........|----.-+-------------------+--.|.......+.|----------|.|
|.......+..-----------.........|.........|..........|.......|.|..........|.|
|.......|..............---+---.|.temple..|.-----+-----------|.|.barracks.|.|
|---------+----+-------|.....|.|.........|.|........|.|.....+.|..........+.|
|...........|........|.S.....|.-----+-----.----------.|.....|.------------.|
|..barracks.|........|.|.....|........................|.....|..............|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

In addition to the usual occupants of the three barracks, the two general stores, the zoo, and the graveyard, there are sixteen giant spiders and two random s on the level; the marked temple is abandoned (without even an altar remaining). There are nine random traps, and fourteen random objects; in addition, there are two blank scrolls next to the throne (toilet paper...). The entire level has undiggable walls and floor. Teleportation is permitted.

Lower filler level(s)Edit

These are cavern levels, with two captains, one soldier, two random H, one random s, and one random C; eleven random objects; and four random traps.

The ShadesEdit

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|...x.....|barracks.|..........|..| |.................|........|........|..|
|.........|.........|..........|..| |....--------.....|........|........|..|
|------S--|--+-----------+------..| |....|......|.....|........|........|..|
|.........|.......................| |....|......+.....--+-------------+--..|
|barracks.|.......................| |....|......|..........................|
|-S-----S-|......----------.......| |....|......|..........................|
|..|..|...|......|........|.......| |....-----------.........----..........|
|..+..+...|......|........|.......| |....|.........|.........|}}|.....<....|
|..|..|...|......+........|.......|-|....|.........+.........|}}|..........|
|..|..|...|......|........|.......S.S....|.........|.........----..........|
|---..----|......|........|.......|-|....|.........|.......................|
|.........+......|+B-+B-+B|.......| |....-----------.......................|
|---..----|......|..|..|..|.......| |......................--------------..|
|..|..|...|......--B-B--B--.......| |......................+....shop....|..|
|..+..+...|.......................| |--.---...-----+-----..|............|..|
|--|..----|--+-----------+------..| |.....|...|.........|..|------------|..|
|..+..+...|.........|..........|..| |grave|...|.........|..+....shop....|..|
|..|..|...|barracks.|..........|..| |.....|...|.........|..|............|..|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Master of Thieves, with the Bell of Opening and the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, occupies the point marked 'x'. The marked locations have their usual occupants (three barracks, two general stores, one graveyard); in addition, the four rooms to lower left have one incubus each, the two rooms at centre left have one succubus each, and the police station in the centre of the left half contains a Kop Kaptain, three Kop Lieutenants, and five Keystone Kops, with each of the three attached cells containing one prisoner. There is also a watchman just inside the left secret door at the halfway division, and randomly placed on the level are sixteen giant spiders and two random s; fourteen random objects; and six random traps. The entire Shades has undiggable walls; teleportation is permitted.

MessagesEdit

EntryEdit

First time:

You breathe a sigh of relief as you find yourself back in the familiar
surroundings of Ankh-Morpork.
You quickly notice that things do not appear the way they did when you
left.  The town is dark and quiet.  There are no sounds coming from
behind the town walls, and no campfires burning in the fields.  As a
matter of fact, you do not <see|sense> any movement in the fields at all, and
the crops look as though they have been untended for many weeks.

Next time:

Once again, you are back at Ankh-Morpork.

If already rejected twice due to bad alignment:

You are back at Ankh-Morpork.
Things appear to have become so bad that you fear that soon
Ankh-Morpork will not be here to return to.

Quest guardiansEdit

If #chatting before the quest is complete:

"Gehennom on 5 zorkmids a day -- more like 500 a day if you ask me."
"Do you know where I could find some nice postcards of The Gnomish Mines?"
"Have you tried the weird toilets?"
"Don't stay at the Inn, I hear the food is terrible and it has rats."
"They told me that this was the off season!"

If #chatting after the quest is complete:

"Gehennom on 5 zorkmids a day -- more like 500 a day if you ask me."
"Do you know where I could find some nice postcards of The Gnomish Mines?"
"Have you tried the weird toilets?"
"If you stick around, I'll show you the pictures from my latest trip."
"Did you bring me back any souvenirs?"

Quest leaderEdit

When you first meet your quest leader:

"Is it really you, <playername>!  I had given up hope for your return.
As you can <see|sense>, we are desperately in need of your talents.  Someone must
defeat the Master of Thieves if our town is become what it once was.
"Let me see if you are ready to be that someone."

When you return, having been rejected due to lack of experience:

"Things are getting worse, <playername>.
I hope that this time you are ready."

This message is not currently used:

"I hope that for the sake of Ankh-Morpork you have prepared
yourself this time."

When you are expelled from the quest for having failed the alignment test seven times:

"It is too late, <playername>.  You are not even worthy to die amongst us.
Leave Ankh-Morpork and never return."

When being rejected due to lack of experience:

"There is still too much that you have to learn before you can undertake
the next step.  Return to us as a proven Traveler, and perhaps then
you will be ready.
"Go back now, and may the teachings of The Lady serve you well."

When being rejected due to having worse than pious alignment:

"It would be an affront to The Lady to have one not true to the
neutral path undertake her bidding.
"You must not return to us until you have purified yourself of these
bad influences on your actions.  Remember, only by following the neutral
path can you hope to overcome the obstacles you will face."

When finally assigned the quest:

"You have indeed proven yourself a worthy Tourist, <playername>.
"But now your kinfolk and I must ask you to put aside your travels and
help us in our time of need.  After you left us we elected a new mayor,
the Master of Thieves.  He proved to be a most heinous and vile creature.
"Soon after taking office he absconded with the Platinum Yendorian Express Card
and fled town, leaving behind his henchmen to rule over us.  In order
for us to regain control of our town, you must enter the Thieves' Guild Hall
and recover the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.
"Do not be distracted on your quest.  If you do not return quickly I fear
that all will be lost.  Let us both pray now that The Lady will guide you
and keep you safe."

EncouragementEdit

If you subsequently chat to your quest leader, you are encouraged:

"Do not be fooled by the false promises of the Master of Thieves."
"To enter the Thieves' Guild Hall you must pass many traps."
"If you do not return with the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, your quest
will be in vain."
"Do not be afraid to call upon The Lady if you truly need help."
"If you do not destroy the Master of Thieves, he will follow you back here!"
"Take the Platinum Yendorian Express Card from the Master of Thieves
and you may be able to defeat him."
"You must hurry, <playername>!"
"You are like a <son|daughter> to me, <playername>.  Do not let me down."
"If you are neutral at all times you may succeed, <playername>."
"Let all who meet you on your journey know that you are on an quest for
Twoflower and grant safe passage."

Locate and goal levelsEdit

When first entering the locate level:

Only your faith in The Lady keeps you from trembling.  You <see|sense>
the handiwork of the Master of Thieves' henchlings everywhere.

When returning:

You know that this time you must find and destroy the Master of Thieves.

When first entering the goal level:

You sense the presence of the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.

When returning:

You gain confidence, knowing that you may soon be united with
the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.

Quest nemesisEdit

When first encountering the quest nemesis:

"So, <playername>, Twoflower thinks that you can wrest
the Platinum Yendorian Express Card from me!
"It only proves how desperate he has become that he sends a <currentrank> to
try and defeat me.  When this day is over, I will have you enslaved
in the mines where you will rue the day that you ever entered
the Thieves' Guild Hall."

Upon further meetings:

"I let you live the last time because it gave me pleasure.
This time I will destroy you, <playername>."

And on the 4th and subsequent meetings:

"These meetings come to bore me.  You disturb my workings with
the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.
"If you do not run away now, I will inflict so much suffering on you that
Twoflower will feel guilty for ever having sent his <son|daughter> to me!"

When you have the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, but the Master of Thieves is still alive:

"You fool.  You do not know how to call upon the powers of
the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.
"Return it to me and I will teach you how to use it, and together we
will rule Ankh-Morpork.  But do so now, as my patience
grows thin."

DiscouragementEdit

The Master of Thieves will occasionally utter maledictions:

"I defeated Twoflower and I will defeat you, <playername>."
"Where is The Lady now!  You must realize no one can help you here."
"Beg for mercy now and I may be lenient on you."
"If you were not so neutral, you might have stood a chance."
"Vengeance is mine at last, <playername>."
"I only wish that Twoflower had a more worthy <currentrank> to send against me."
"With the Platinum Yendorian Express Card in my possession you cannot
hope to defeat me."
"The Master of Thieves has never been defeated, NEVER!"
"Are you truly the best Ankh-Morpork has to send against me?
I pity Twoflower."
"How do you spell <playername>?  I want to ensure the marker on your grave is
correct as a warning to your <brothers|sisters>."

VictoryEdit

When picking up your quest artifact:

As you pick up the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, you feel a great
weight has been lifted from your shoulders.  Your only thoughts are
to quickly return to Ankh-Morpork and find Twoflower.

When killing the nemesis:

You turn in the direction of the Master of Thieves.  As his earthly body begins
to vanish before your eyes, you hear him curse:
    You shall never be rid of me, <playername>!
    I will find you where ever you go and regain what is rightly mine.

When returning to your quest leader:

As Twoflower detects the presence of the Platinum Yendorian Express Card,
he almost smiles for the first time in many a full moon.
As he looks up from the Platinum Yendorian Express Card he says:
    You have recovered the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.  You are its
    owner now, but not its master.  Let it work with you as you continue
    your journey.  With its help, and The Lady to guide you on the
    neutral path, you may yet recover the Amulet of Yendor.

When subsequently throwing the Platinum Yendorian Express Card to Twoflower:

"The Platinum Yendorian Express Card is yours now.  The Dungeons of Doom await your
return through the magic portal that brought you here."

Post-questEdit

When talking to Twoflower after the quest:

"I could not be more proud than if you were my own <son|daughter>, <playername>!
Tell me of your adventures in quest of the Amulet of Yendor."

When talking to Twoflower after getting the Amulet:

"Stand back and let me look at you, <playername>.
Now that you have recovered the Amulet of Yendor, I'm afraid living
out your days in Ankh-Morpork would seem pretty tame.
"You have come too far to stop now, for there are still more tasks that
our oral history foretells for you.  Forever more, though, your name shall
be spoken by the guides with awe.  You are truly an inspiration to your
<brothers|sisters>!"
This page is based on a spoiler by Dylan O'Donnell. The original license is:

Redistribution, copying, and editing of these spoilers, with or without modification, are permitted provided that the following conditions are met:

  1. The original contributors to any spoiler must continue to be credited.
  2. Any modifications to the spoiler must be acknowledged and credited.

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